Girl Talk
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: AU-ish. Clara can see The Moment which means the two have to talk about the Doctor. None of them are pleased.


The door burst open and Clara staggered in.

The three Doctors were completely unable to not look at her with equally gobsmacked expressions. After all the three of them had just cleverly thought of a way to get out of the locked cell and they were all certain that the petit brunette did nothing to unlock the door.

"How did you get in?"

"The door was unlocked," Clara said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Well it sort of was.

Clara blinked as a blonde woman doubled over in hysterical laughter at that. "Stop it!" the old man hissed. He looked vaguely familiar.

"Oh but it's priceless!" the blonde girl wiped a few stray tears and giggled even more. "Three versions of the greatest man in the universe and none of them thought to check the door! _Ha_!"

"Don't call them the greatest man in the universe," Clara moaned, "it gives them an ego trip."

"Err…Clara," her Doctor half jumped, half danced to her side, "who are you talking to?"

"That blonde girl there!"

"What blonde girl?"

"That _one_!" Clara snapped exasperated as she pointed to the blonde girl leaning against the wall. "What are you? _Blind_?"

The Doctor, well, Clara's Doctor looked at the wall, and then looked back at Clara with a look of worry and concern. It was then Clara realised that only she can see the girl. She wondered if she was going insane.

It would make sense after everything she has been through.

"Don't worry," the blonde girl said reassuringly, "only you and he," she nods at the old man with the white beard and leather jacket, "can see me. You're not going mad."

"Oh good," Clara sighed with relief, "Because going mad is sort of expected with this lifestyle."

"Tell me about it," the blonde girl sympathised with an eye roll. "The things this lot has put me through, its surprise that I'm not currently in an asylum….though they did put me in this box….huh…"

"So why do you think only I can see you?" Clara asked.

"I dunno, maybe your status of the impossible girl?" Clara grimaced at that title. She wondered if the Doctor gave all of his companions' terrible monikers like that or she was just that special. _God _she hoped not. "You did jump in his timeline and splinter yourself…perhaps that gave you the ability to see things the other him can't see."

"That makes sense."

And it did. After all she's been in the Doctor's life for…well all of his life, and he only ever noticed her three times. He never noticed the Great Intelligence either. Huh, for someone so smart he wasn't half stupid.

"What makes sense?" Clara's Doctor asked as he waved a hand in Clara's face. "Who you're talking to? What's going on? _Clar_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

"Oh dear God," the old man moaned interrupting the Doctor's wail. "Why am I so whiney? And what do you mean she jumped into my timeline, didn't my future self-warn her how dangerous it is? _What is wrong with that man_?!"

Did this man realise how whiney _he_ sounded? Perhaps not. Maybe it was just her but then the blonde girl rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smirk. No, not just her, the mystery girl can hear the whiney tone too.

"I have no clue what's going on!" the Doctor wearing Converses moaned. "Can anyone fill me in? What blonde girl?"

Maybe being whiney was a quality that never changed in the Doctor?

"Don't tell him!" Clara's Doctor shouted. "He had a thing for blonde women!" he paused and looked thoughtfully. "Well actually all women."

"I did not!"

"Oh and Rose, Madame de Pompadour, Joan, and Astrid definitely don't ring a bell? They were definitely blonde," Clara's Doctor sneered, "and let's not forget Lady Christina, Martha, Donna, and now Queen Elizabeth!"

"_Good Lord_," the old man groaned disgustedly, "I turn into a playboy of some sort."

"Nowhere near as charming as Jack," the blonde girl sighed. She had a sort of sweet smile obviously remembering something very good. "Have you met him yet Clara?"

"No…well sort of but I don't think he'll remember me," Clara shrugged, "I don't really remember it."

"Make a point of meeting him," the blonde girl advised her, "You'll love it. That man knows how to treat a woman"

"So what exactly are you?"

"Oh an old companion of the Doctor's," the blonde girl explained, "well sort of, I'm actually the Moment pretending to be his companion, but I have her personality, memories, and appearance so I might as well be Rose Tyler."

"All right, nice to meet you," Clara and this Rose Tyler, who isn't really Rose Tyler, shook hands, "it's nice to actually talk to one of the Doctor's companions, I've never met a proper one."

"Really? You should try and meet Sarah Jane, she's a good laugh," Rose grinned, "Tell me Clara…does he still pet the TARDIS?"

"_All the time_!" Clara cried out.

"It's like a boy with his first car."

"I was going to say a geek with his computerised girlfriend but that works."

The pair of them began to giggle a little as they became incredibly giddy. God, Clara is so happy to finally have someone to talk to about this stuff!

"I'm always like _should I leave you two alone_?"

"He calls her sexy."

"Oh I know! Especially when he thinks they're alone."

They laughed at that.

"Did he ever take you to the wrong place?"

"Only like all the time. And speaking of time, the wrong time!"

The pair of them burst into hysterical laughter and walked out of the cell as they discussed all of the Doctor's flaws in great detail, ranging from his poor driving skills, to his poor people's skills, and then to his terrible taste in food and clothes.

"Oh dear God," Ten said in horror, as realisation finally dawned onto him, he still wasn't quite sure who Clara was talking to but he knew that laughter. _Oh the horror, the horror_… "It's happening again."

"What is?" The Doctor that he didn't want to acknowledge asked.

"Two of my companions laughing at me!"

"Oh don't be so silly!" The War Doctor scolded.

"No!" Eleven cried out terrified. "He's _right_! This is why I never let Amy and Rory meet any of the others. Though I'm certain Rory did behind my back! He's sneaky like that!"

Meanwhile outside of the cells and not that far down the corridor Queen Elizabeth joined Clara and Rose, Clara had to play translator since the intelligent Queen was unable to see Rose but after the day she had she was ready to believe anything.

"We should have a companion party," Clara suggested, "I'd like to see all the others properly."

"And I too would like to know my future husband's friends," Elizabeth said primly.

Rose's eyes flashed gold. "Consider it arranged, I'm pulling them all in from different time zones, you might need to prepare explanations."

Simultaneously all three Doctors shuddered. They just had a horrible feeling that their worst nightmare was about to be realised.


End file.
